God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time on earth. He replied saying he had three!
Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes Benz!
Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the Ford.
Jawaharlal is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.
Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.
They ask why God hadn't given him anything.
Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some idiot told God that
I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Musharraf's Tunnel Journey
Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"
Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."
Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."
Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"
Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."
Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."
Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."
Munna Bhai
DEAN was speaking to the students regarding rules of the college:
" If any of the guys enter the gals' hostel
Rs.100 fine for the first time
Rs.200 fine for the 2nd time
Rs.500 fine for the 3rd time."
Itne me Munnabhai ne poocha
.
.
.
"Bole to.. Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega Mamu?"
" If any of the guys enter the gals' hostel
Rs.100 fine for the first time
Rs.200 fine for the 2nd time
Rs.500 fine for the 3rd time."
Itne me Munnabhai ne poocha
.
.
.
"Bole to.. Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega Mamu?"
Theorys of Life
Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
O'Brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
BELL'S THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.
RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY'S LAW: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
BREDA'S RULE: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
OWEN'S LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
HOWDEN'S LAW: You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
O'Brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
BELL'S THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.
RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY'S LAW: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
BREDA'S RULE: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
OWEN'S LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
HOWDEN'S LAW: You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.
The Software Engineer
There was a good old barber in India. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank You Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank You Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what
he finds there......
.
.
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with
printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut .
Why students fail in exams...?
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because
the year has ONLY 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and
difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE..
Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15
days.
Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
properly &
swallowing)-means 30days.
Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days
days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40
days.
Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days.
Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
"How a student can pass ?????"
Laloo's Clock
Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected?)? As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who?s clock is that?" Yamraj answered, "That?s Gautam Buddha?s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie." "And whose clock is that?" "That?s Abraham Lincoln?s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife." Rabri asked, "Where?s my Laloo?s clock?" "Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I?m using it as ceiling fan".
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