God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time on earth. He replied saying he had three!
Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes Benz!
Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the Ford.
Jawaharlal is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.
Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.
They ask why God hadn't given him anything.
Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some idiot told God that
I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Musharraf's Tunnel Journey
Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"
Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."
Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."
Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"
Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."
Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."
Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again."
Munna Bhai
DEAN was speaking to the students regarding rules of the college:
" If any of the guys enter the gals' hostel
Rs.100 fine for the first time
Rs.200 fine for the 2nd time
Rs.500 fine for the 3rd time."
Itne me Munnabhai ne poocha
.
.
.
"Bole to.. Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega Mamu?"
" If any of the guys enter the gals' hostel
Rs.100 fine for the first time
Rs.200 fine for the 2nd time
Rs.500 fine for the 3rd time."
Itne me Munnabhai ne poocha
.
.
.
"Bole to.. Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega Mamu?"
Theorys of Life
Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
O'Brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
BELL'S THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.
RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY'S LAW: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
BREDA'S RULE: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
OWEN'S LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
HOWDEN'S LAW: You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
O'Brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
BELL'S THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.
RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
WILLOUGHBY'S LAW: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
BREDA'S RULE: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
OWEN'S LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
HOWDEN'S LAW: You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.
The Software Engineer
There was a good old barber in India. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank You Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank You Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what
he finds there......
.
.
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with
printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut .
Why students fail in exams...?
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because
the year has ONLY 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and
difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE..
Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15
days.
Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
properly &
swallowing)-means 30days.
Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days
days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40
days.
Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days.
Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
"How a student can pass ?????"
Laloo's Clock
Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected?)? As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who?s clock is that?" Yamraj answered, "That?s Gautam Buddha?s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie." "And whose clock is that?" "That?s Abraham Lincoln?s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife." Rabri asked, "Where?s my Laloo?s clock?" "Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I?m using it as ceiling fan".
Monday, August 28, 2006
Trainee in an MNC
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Bring to me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Bring to me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
Monday, August 21, 2006
An HR Story
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
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